Reflections of a Mother

These words are on the wall in the children's ward in our local hospital.
They are so true! We can't save our children and make them turn out right. But there is so much we can and should be doing, and then we should pray for God to do the rest.


Rejoicing, Patient and Praying

(These posts are not written to make you feel sorry for me, but to share how good God is and the blessings He brings in our hard times. It amazes me over and over how in the dark moments I can feel like I can't possibly take any more, but the next thing I know I am filled with joy again! God's grace doesn't run out!)

Did you know it's possible to miss housework? To crave physical work like washing dishes and vacuuming?! For the last seven weeks I haven't done much physical work, especially when the children haven't been here with us. I have things to fill my time, but I am feeling more than ready to go home and do normal activities again.
The last few days I have been desperately wanting to go home so that is what I've been praying for. A few days ago the heart specialist told us it may not be long if Lydia keeps doing well. But because that is what I am hoping and praying for, I get upset if there is the slightest setback with Lydia. Thismorning I felt like maybe I should stop praying about it and just leave it in God's hands instead of praying hard and getting frustrated. Isn't praying about things supposed to give you peace?  And aren't I supposed to keep praying?
I was feeling rather confused, so I asked God to show me how to pray and think about this situation.
I opened up my little book of encouragement that I have made, and the page I opened to had this verse in big letters
"Rejoicing in hope;
Patient in tribulation;
Continuing instant in prayer;"
There was the answer to my question!

Rejoicing in hope
   There is hope at the moment that we may be able to go home soon. So I should be happy that there is hope.
Patient in tribulation
But I need to be patient until the right time does come and not be frustrated or afraid with the little set backs.
Continuing instant in prayer
I am to keep on praying for Lydia to get better!
Rejoicing, Patient and Praying is what we should be.


Pain and Comfort

Thismorning at 3:00 am I was awake with Lydia who was having trouble getting back to sleep. I was lonely, very homesick, missing my husband and children and wondering how many more weeks or months we will be in hospital for. After 6 weeks, there was still no light at the end of the tunnel.
As the tears flowed, I begged God for comfort. 
Lydia eventually settled and we both got back to sleep.
Looking back over thismorning I realized God answered my prayer through 3 different people!
First, the play specialist.
Lydia holding my finger on her emergency helicopter ride 6 weeks back.
She came into Lydia's room to see how she is getting on, as she does every day. We got talking and she shared how her fourth child had a kidney problem and he needed surgery after birth. She understood the difficulties of being torn between your healthy children and your sick child. She told me that when her children grew up she interviewed the healthy ones on how the experience affected them. I braced myself, thinking she was going to say how much it effected them negatively. But instead she shared how the experience made them more caring and better people. She also mentioned her faith, which was an encouragement.
Secondly, the cardiologist.
On the ward rounds she told me that if Lydia doesn't get any worse over the weekend and can do ok with no drain, we may be able to start talking about getting out of here! That's the first talk of home in a long time. No guarantees, of course, but a little ray of hope!
Lastly, the cleaner.
I have talked to her many times before, but as I was about to go out the door, she just happened to say something about her little boy with Downs! I had no idea she had a child with Down Syndrome! We had a long conversation. She has a 3yr old boy with Down Syndrome, which is why she likes Lydia so much. She also mentioned that she is a Sunday School Teacher.
God is so good!
I was thinking once about how Lydia gets so upset with painful things like blood tests or dressing changes. But how I always give her a cuddle afterwards to make up for it.
We also have our painful moments, but afterwards comes the comfort!
As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you;
Isaiah 66:13

Last cuddle before open heart surgery 2 months back


Consent Forms and Prayers

Yesterday I had to sign another consent form for our baby. She is having a procedure for her heart today. Over the months I have had to sign many consent forms--every time she has needed an anaesthetic. I don't have a problem signing them. My attitude towards the doctors is "Just do what you need to do." I have told them that many times. The doctors know far more than I do. Even though I know they are human and could make a mistake, I trust them to do what they know is best.
There are other people I know here who find it difficult to trust the doctors because of different reasons. I'm not like that. I don't know if its a good or a bad thing, but it sure saves me a lot of frustration and worry!
Last night I was praying about Lydia's procedure. As I thought about how to pray, it struck me that I trust the doctors more than I trust God.
I say to the doctors, "Just do whatever you need to do," because I know they will do their best for Lydia.
And yet when I pray, I am very hesitant to pray that. Instead I would rather pray for what I want, which doesn't include trials!
Shouldn't I be able to pray the same thing? "Just do whatever you have to do, Lord. You know far better than me or the doctors. You know what's best. I trust You."
I felt convicted and ashamed.
God can't make mistakes like the doctors can. His wisdom is so great. He loves us so much and has our best interests in mind.
 Why then do I find it so hard to pray that prayer? I decided that it is because I naturally want a trouble free life. I know that if I tell God to just do what is best, God's best may not be what I want. I'm really saying, "If I need troubles, give them to me. I consent." For God to do His best work in my life, there are going to be many trials. If I want God to use me, it's not going to come on a silver platter. It's going to hurt! He is going to have to make me usable!
God does want us to be specific when we pray and tell Him our desires, and He doesn't need our consent to do anything. But I'm sure He wants us to have the same attitude of trust that I have toward the doctors. "Go ahead, Lord. Do whatever You have to do. You know what's best."
I pray He will help me with that, and that you may learn the same lesson.


Feelings or Facts?

How are you feeling today?
Last night I was feeling quite depressed. I had experienced a disappointment with our sick baby during the day. Hospital life has many ups and downs. You get told something positive, but the next minute your hopes are dashed.
Before bed I was writing down my prayers, as I like to do. They were very miserable as they were full of my feelings. But then I decided to write down a list of facts to encourage myself. It worked!
Instead of "I feel like we're going to be in hospital forever," I wrote "We won't be here forever."
Instead of "I feel like we're no closer to going home than when we first arrived," I wrote "We are nearly 6 weeks closer to going home."
If you're feeling down today, maybe its because you're focusing on  your feelings.
Facts are far more encouraging!

I've shared this poem before, but I need to remember it at the moment!
Feeling, Faith and Fact
Three men were walking on a wall,
Feeling, Faith and Fact,
When Feeling got an awful fall,
And Faith was taken back.
So close was Faith to Feeling,
He stumbled and fell too,
But Fact remained,
And pulled Faith back
And Faith brought Feeling too.
~Author Unknown~


Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day, dear Mums!
Being a Mum is hard, sometimes painful, and very exhausting. But it is very rewarding and the most important job on the universe. It also helps us understand God and His love for us more.
Isa. 66:13 As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem. 

 Isa. 49:15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. 
Keep up the good work! Cherish the time you have with your children. Remember they won't be little for long. Make special memories. Be humble and ask God for His grace to help you. It's too hard to do without His help!