A Prayer of Surrender

"Not my will, but thine, be done." Luke 22:42
What a simple prayer! And yet sometimes it is the most difficult of all prayers to pray.
In the first year of Lydia's birth, I found it very difficult to pray this prayer. I had no problem telling the doctors 'Do what you need to do" and yet to say the same thing to God was much more difficult. When Lydia was 6 months old, we went to Starship hospital for her open heart surgery. We were home again within two weeks. After a week of being home, we found ourselves back up at Starship being told that she had a complication from her heart surgery and it would take a long time to heal. To accept the fact that we were back there so soon and for a long time was a bitter pill for me to swallow. All I wanted was to be home and together as a family again. To pray "Not my will, but thine, be done" was not easy. Why? Because I know that God's will often includes trials. Naturally we want to run from anything difficult or painful. But God's best for us often means trials. That is how we learn and grow. Jesus prayed this prayer just before he was put on the cross. God's will for Him was dying a horrible death on the cross so that we can be saved. And God's will for me is not a bed of roses either.
The last few weeks, I have had a real struggle to pray this prayer again!
After all the challenges that has come with Lydia, and now two miscarriages, I find it hard to pray this prayer. Naturally, I want to make sure I will never go through these trials again. I want to know that it will never happen again. But I don't know what God's will is. Maybe it will mean not having any more children. Or maybe it will mean having another one. Or maybe it will mean more miscarriages. I have no idea. But although naturally I want to run from any future trial, I do want God's best for me. I do want to find out God's will and accept it. I know that God's way is perfect. I do want God's will even though everything in me fights it sometimes.
Since it is nearly Christmas I have been thinking about Mary.
"And Mary said, Behold, the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." Luke 1:38
She had just found out from an angel that she would lose her reputation! She would be the mother of Jesus. Being a virgin, she knew it was a miracle, but to others it would look quite different.
We do not have to be Mary, but we each have our own trials to bear. If an angel came to you and said, "God has this trial for you to bear," would your response be the same as Mary's? 
Sometimes we need to pray Mary's prayer and then pray that God would help us to truly mean it!